The Funniest Things Overheard At British Universities

A university student in the library working and listening to music/songs on headphones mutters to himself:
“If you’re having maths problems I feel bad for you son, I got 0.999… problems but that’s basically 1. Hhahah”

University Admission Program

Student whilst playing a destroy the world game: “YES!!! I just destroyed the City.”
…
“Just destroyed an other City now, 20m people dead! Yes!!” hahhahahah

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TRUE news story. NOT a joke. Maybe.

     A intelligent lawyer in Charlotte, NC purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim with the insurance company.

     In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $18,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
     But... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $34,000.00 fine.

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Funny insurance jokes

  A doctor and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The doctor said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
     That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
     The doctor thought for a moment, but was puzzled. Finally he asked the engineer, "How do you start a flood?"
     An actuary, a doctor and an accountant are discussing the merits of having a mistress or a wife. The doctor reckons it is better having a mistress, because the wife can take everything if you should come to a divorce. The accountant reckons it is definitely better having a wife, from a taxation perspective. The actuary reckons it is better having both, because when you are not with the wife, she thinks you are with the mistress, and when you are not with the mistress, the mistress thinks you are with the wife, and that way, you can spend more time at the office.

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Funny insurance claims: explanations

The statements below are taken from actual insurance accident claims forms. They are real, true (you can't make up this kind of stuff). Read 'em and laugh and be glad it wasn't you.

Incidents with Pedestrians.

• The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
• The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
• The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
• I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.

Accidents with other vehicles.
• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
• When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
• I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
• The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
• I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
• I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
• The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
• The car in front of me stopped for a yellow light, so I had no choice but to hit him. (She pushed him through the intesection)

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